Design on a Diatribe

OK, I’ve had my fun with cooking shows. How about those home improvement shows? Kara watches a lot of these. When they ask the homeowners what they like, I’m amazed at the homogeneity of their responses. And everyone acts like their tastes are somehow original.

“I would like the living room to be warm and inviting.”

“Really? You don’t want cool and forbidding? We’ll have to cancel our order at Iron 'n Things" (or Bed, Brass, and Beyond.)

And sometimes they think that the designer can work miracles. Look, there’s only so much you can do with paint, mirrors and decor.

“I want something that draws the eye away from, well, the rest of the dumpy room.”

I know it is for dramatic effect, but they always have an unreal time constraint. The dude’s been living in “design squalor” for 30 years but now it must be overhauled in 48 hours! If they were doing my house that would concern me. If someone is putting a new kitchen and three baths in my home, I'd be fine giving them a whole week if they needed it.

When they add a tight budget too it can become comical. The show’s production costs must be six digits but they spend $22 on the actual furnishings.

“Yeah, I know the dump discourages scavenging, but this roll of carpeting was perfectly fine. We can cover the stains with furniture and you get used to and the smell. And we got this end table for a steal! It was just sitting there (in the neighbor’s pick-up truck.)"

Instead of Design on a Dime maybe the show should be called Makeover on a Misdemeanor.