Overheard

In my last post, I wrote about my recent Old Testament immersion. It was a somewhat serious write-up, but I’m afraid the best part was the hypothetical quotes from "Akmal" and his friend. In that vein, and with my apologies, I have a few other things that were overheard in ancient times:

Overheard in Eden/Mesopotamia

• Cain, go tell your brother that Ready and Willing are here to see him
• Our AP World History text is just a brochure. We finished it in twenty minutes. The final is tomorrow and I think Grandpa is two or three of the answers.
• Hey Lot, no offense but your wife seems really bitter
• In seminary this year we’re studying the Times.
• Mooommmm! Esau is hogging all the Cream of Lentil!
• Wait. My new name is Israel? Isn’t that a country?
• Let’s name him Levi; maybe he’ll invent jeans. These robes are leaving me chafed.
• Ummmm...you broke the earthenware. I'm telling moms and dad on you.

Overheard in a Jerusalem suburb:

• Welcome to Sacrifice Opening Exercises. We will sing one verse of “Cauled to Serve”
• Sheep 1 to Sheep 2: Dude, since you have no older siblings, and you’re a dude, you might want to stop in at Blemishes R Us
• No I can't go, it's Girls Night Out, I'm stuck here with the 83 kids.
• Is there a wholesale price on these anniversary cards? I have six next week.
• I know I make a lot of Shekels, but I’ve got 240 mouths to feed!
• Kids, get on the camel, we're going to VII-XI for a Slurpee.
• Do you have any Tropical Twist Manna, unleavened, value-sized, Lite? (With ridges, double stuff, and low dew?)
• A Realtor from Century 1 just stopped by, someone is coming to see the habitation. Hurry kids, fluff the dirt! Make it look untrodden.
• Mirth On, Dude!